Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Paula Abdul

Further Proof That The Blog Is Degenerating

While America still can't get enough of American Idol, I haven't been watching. The last time I saw an episode was probably back in February when they started auditioning. I saw about a half-hour of one episode. Whether I watch again depends on a number of factors including whether I have the time and whether I have a satisfying supply of Pepto-Bismol.

Apparently Fox has re-signed Paula Abdul to a three-year contract. Vinay Menon dissects the decision:

So Paula, a 43-year-old woman cursed with the insights of a fourth grader, now has at least three more years to complete her mission of bewildering each and every earthling in the western hemisphere.

Take this quizzical gem from a few weeks ago. While attempting to explain an elimination, Paula said: "Simon gave me advice and said on The X Factor he always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon finds the cornflake always finds the melon, and one of you didn't pick the right fortune."


"Paula's warm and nurturing nature is vital to the balance of the show," said Fox exec Mike Darnell.

Right. You know, in the same way poutine is vital to a balanced diet. The truth is, producers could now replace Paula with a grinning, big-haired mannequin and nobody would be the wiser.


Poor Paula. There she is, week after week, cutting off the other judges ("No, it was not terrible!"), sputtering drivel ("I'm your biggest fan!") or spewing hyperbole ("There's a new religion and 40 million people have now joined the church of Mandisa!").

When she isn't yammering, she might be found in a solitary standing ovation, clapping with rigid, spread-apart fingers and a smile so wide it looks like two invisible hooks are yanking on either side of her mouth.


I'll be watching Heathers (1989) for my final reporting assignment, which happens to be a movie review. (These assignments get harder by the week.) I'm excited about seeing the film. My friend, who just returned from a 10-month self-imposed exile to Australia, demanded I watch the movie well over a year ago. So, it's time.



ron jeremy said...

I think Sass Jordan makes even LESS sense. She's really coked out on each show ... it's like she does 3 lines where as Paula only does 2.

Czobit said...

No way. Paula is the bigger cokehead.