"All together now!... What were the words again?"
I often get asked by unnamed parties what I do with all the down time at w___ and if I drink or do drugs on the j__. I always answer with my eyes. But sometimes, my eyes can't be read: the glare from my glasses distracts too much.
Now with this post, I won't have to answer. The following is an unedited chat I had on Gmail t____ with someone. The person I chatted with is not important. It's only important to note that she is a recovering alcoholic, a former speed reading champion and she played a role in the reunification of the Olympic rings.
This chat is real. I repeat: is real. Be offended. Or don't. Actually, do. Do. Do. Do:
4:59 PM me: Reply to all of my e-mails. There are only 800.
5:01 PM I almost wrote, "There are only 800 hundred." Haha. I laugh hardest at my own blunders.
5:04 PM Ladadeeladedaladadeeladeda.....
5:08 PM Come on, type, type. It's boring. This is my first day shift on the weekend since Christmas Eve weekend last year. Can you believe that? Crazy.
5:09 PM Are you upset I called you "Dear" yesterday in an e-mail? I'm sorry if you are. I was intoxicated then. I may be now.
5:11 PM I used to think drugs were bad, but lately, they've brought me joy. I'm grounded, too. It's like I'm in a state of nirvana. One with God and all of that bullshit. Lovely stuff I'm on, too. Not too expensive, and it comes with a prescription. Tasty pills. Yum.
5:13 PM Ladadeeladedaladadeeladeda.....
5:14 PM What have you been up to this fine Saturday? Anything exciting. I've been writing suicide letters in my head. Dot the Is cross the Ts.
5:16 PM I might publish this entire chat we're having on my blog. I love it. I do. It shows the lowest depths I've fallen. People will wonder about my sanity. I will wonder about theirs.
5:18 PM Between the booze and the pills yesterday, I watched "Capote." I'm only now getting around to Oscar winning films from last year. I thought Philip Seymour-Hoffman was alright as Truman, but the film was a bit slow, meandering almost. Nothing that special.
5:19 PM Ladadeeladedaladadeeladeda.....
5:20 PM You're there. You're right fucking there. And you're letting me bury myself. I'm revealing so much. It hurts. Damn it.
5:22 PM Hmm, O.K. I'll compromise. You don't want to talk to me. And now, I don't want to talk to you. So, here's the deal: Message me back once. I'll leave you alone then.
5:27 PM Fine. I'll end on this.