Tuesday, January 29, 2008

On Desire


For a decade now, maybe longer, I've known what I want. I've had an ultimate goal, and despite knowing this for certain, I haven't done much to achieve this goal, desire, this want that has been part of me for so long it may as well be a basic necessity at this point. I need to do this. And yet, I don't.

Some people need to travel to find themselves, to experience Thing A through Thing Y (why not Z?), but I don't. I know for certain what I want to achieve in life. I don't say it out loud. Nor do I write it. If you asked me, I may not even whisper it. Perhaps I'm superstitious that it won't happen if I say it out loud. Or perhaps I'm terrified that someone will laugh at the idea. Or discount it. Or discount me.

It's January 29, 2008. How about I say it's February 1, 2008, to give us a clear break? How about I say this: Six months to work to this goal, to actually get something done. Then I'll report back here with the result. Did I succeed? Did I fail? Or will I write again about jumping into the deep end, to risk humiliation only within my own conscience.

Maybe if I say it out loud enough, it will come true. Or maybe someone will say it for me.

Six months. That's Tuesday July 29, 2008. I'll report on this project then.


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